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Apr. 21st, 2011


Past experiences, past transgression.... PAST everything...

Yeah, I'm an old essence trapped in a young body... Sometimes I really don't feel human... Humans feel, they learn, they change... I look at myself, and what I do, and I know I'm not like them... Sometimes I get a feeling that being human is being weak... I know what I am, who I am... And frankly, I'm awesome. In the literal sense of the word.

I've seen the power of creation,
Tasted a power of control,
Danced between rain drops of fate,
Made incredible mistakes,
Seen the things nightmares are made of,
Pulled the strings of destiny to help the design,
Touched the weave,
Known the kings and queens of Heaven and Earth,
Learned so many fantastic things about the world,
Actively tried to save it all.
Never wanted anything, ever, until now. More than anything.
I want to share it with someone.
Because life just isn't worth anything, if you do it alone.

I don't like my past, in fact. But it made me, and it shaped me... Sort of. I'm just me, and I always will be... Good old, ridiculous me. Turns out... I like me.

Feb. 7th, 2011

Reading past posts.

My God, I'm a fucking retard.

Sep. 2nd, 2009

(no subject)

Here iz directions 4 stpd ppl
Comment my entry and I'll answer these questions for you.

1) Respond with something random about you.
2) Tell which song or movie film movie reminds you of them.
3) Pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4) Say something that only makes sense to the two of us.
5) First memory of you.
6) The animal you remind me of.
7) Ask something that I've always wondered about you.
8) Tell my favorite thing about them.
9) Tell my least favorite thing about them.
10) If you play, you MUST post this on yours if you want to.
10-2) If you don't post this then U WILL DIE IN 7 DAYZ N UR CRUSH WILL HAET U 4EVA!!!11!!11!11!!!1 THIS S 4 RLZ!!!1<--- I don't actually believe this part, however this is fun. So do it.

Nov. 13th, 2008

A much deserved break

So yes, I'm taking a break, and have been kind of half ass for the past couple of days...

I'm tired of dealing with every form of reality out there, happy, sad, hurt, elated, tired, hyper, angry, passionate, bored, interested... It's too damn much... Bah.

So I'm dropping off the earth for a bit. Just want to let people know, I love ya.

But Colt's got some shit to think about, and evaluate whether or not he's cut out for certain things.

-.- Sometimes life is such a pain.

later people.

Oh and kate, pour that fucking adipex down the drain. It's ridiculous, and bad for you, and I don't want to worry.

Oct. 9th, 2008

I have been misplaced

And I have too. Not a clue what was going on to be honest with you. Just kind of getting back.

I do announce however that my life is more on track now, than it ever has been.

Due to random events that aren't random, and a distinct possibility that Destiny may not be fucking with me anymore...

But who knows, I might just be crazy... Probably crazy...

Though I haven't got a clue as to what I'm going to be doing here shortly... I might... blah... I need funds, and with no job that's hard... so I'm probably going to return to that place for a short while, if I can get them to adhere to my requirements... Sonic it is then... Unless Williams and Associates come through. But I doubt that's going to happen... Maybe I can set it up with Sonic, that I work enough to be paid, but I'll have time off for school.... -.- Who am I kidding, I'm probably going to have to fool them into thinking I'm ok with not going to school, start school, and then find another job, I just need quick cash, immediately...

Because they've just turned off my phone! SWEET!

My life is such a pain in the ass sometimes, -eye roll- I always have problems with this phone... And this time though, I didn't forget to pay the bill... I just, didn't pay the bill. Heh.

Jun. 15th, 2008

It's been a while

Yeah so, let's add to the journal? Yeah? This is basically to inform my two Livejournal friends of a few things, and mostly..... mostly it's to remind me of where my life has been. I decided that a while back.

So, let's recap.

My new job is alright, I am currantly wallowing in pain... kind of, after being hurt at work, and having my leg rammed into by a very large piece of pipe... After which I have been forced to go to a Doctor, who proceeded to grope me, and frankly this woman reminded me of Velma from scooby-doo. But anyway...

A-kon wasn't nearly as much fun as I wanted it to be, however, certain things did happen that well... were important. I learned more powerfully that honesty is probably the ONLY policy. It killed me to have what happened, happen... But... I honestly think... Maybe... Maybe friendships got stronger because of it, perhaps. Or I HOPE they did.

I am with Sloanie, whatever way you want to put it, and I'm unbelievably happy. So happy infact I didn't even know it was bloody possible for me to be this happy. It's amazing really, I never even expected this, it was kind of out of left field, but... ^.^ Not to sound too cliche' but, I love her. She's delightful, and more importantly it's reciprocated. I've known the girl for ALMOST two years, and I never even saw this coming, and normally I'm so good at that but... Really... We had never really been with each other one on one before. It was either Emily, or Kate, or someone else hanging around, and I guess with all the stuff we all normally do, it just never showed but...

I could potentially be happy for a very long time.

Maybe the Great Fortune Lady was right... ^.^; Jesus... I think I'm becoming a romantic obsessed with Destiny... Okay... Destiny der, but the romantic bit? If it doesn't kill me first. Heh.

Anyway, I'm going to go, do something... I intend on moving the HELL out of this house here shortly, like within the next month or so, or atleast by the end of this one. Heh. I needs me my own place, it's time.

May. 6th, 2008

Just one of those days.

Seriously, that's all it's been, just one of those terribly painful, HORRIBLE days.

It started off bad, and so far it's holding strong. THE ONLY thing that has even been remotely good, is Kate texted me. Not to say it's a bad thing, content wise... bah, buuuuut, always welcome.

Let's start from the beginning... I woke up early, got showered, pampered and ready for work, and was actually going to leave at a decent time to be there by 7! Was I not amazing! Yes, then I got in my truck, and BRRRRRRRRRK! Nothing. I turned the key and it hesitated for a moment, and then went "OPa;ndna" and died. I blinked a few times, and shook my head. I got out, stared at it, smoked, and then got back in. By this point it was already 7ish by the time I got it going, and I just kept blinking. Apparently after speaking with a few people, it was a combination of the temperature outside, the fact that my oil is sludge apparently, and Mortis was angry that I didn't say Hi.

Then, I get to work, receive a "Bitch Talk" from some monkey who thinks he's my boss already, when in reality it's pretty well known it's MY bloody warehouse, but it was all good, I just smiled and reminded him that I always show up atleast. I was very calm about it. But then it just kept getting better. The transfer truck came early, and I had kind of put off getting the transfer ready, from which I recieved "El Bitcho" again, only this time from the Big Man himself. Which I appologized, and it was no big deal, he wasn't angry, he just explained the problem, and I solved it. Won't happen again. But then our forklift died, so I had to climb the bloody "STAIRCASE OF HORROR" five times, bringing the transfer from the top shelf, to the truck, by hand... and oh... about 80 pounds a box, twenty feet off the ground... And where was the "Warehouse Manager Wannabe?"


Oh and the day progressed, slowly... I recieved a few texts from Kate, which like I said, ALWAYS welcome. They are very few, and far between for my tastes, but atleast she texts, or calls every once in a while... Sloane, now there's a shadow. Here one moment, gone the next. But I knew that. I've always known that... But it would be... nice. Ya know? I wouldn't dare try and change her, buuuut, one tries to be... calm. Fails, but tries atleast.

I went to get lunch in the company Beast, and made a delivery, got back, AND THERE'S ANOTHER BITCH TALK!Q!!!!! WOOOT! Apparently while I was on the delivery, I missed the memo that I had to count EVERYTHING in the warehouse, and log it into the computer, and check it against the computer, and print out a report. So I got yelled at, by the Wannabe, because I wasn't there to do everything, and how he should have taken the delivery so I could have gotten it done.... Anyone else see a problem?

It doesn't hurt he's got an I.Q. of a four year old, and swears up and down he's smarter than me... Buut when it comes to multiplying by oh... 10 I get him everytime. You know, I've never met someone who actually had to count that shit on their fingers, and STILL get the shit wrong... Then tell me I'm wrong when I tell him he's bloody fucking wrong... SHIIIIT.

And then the day ended... Well the work part. I get in my truck. And I chuckle, and HAHA Jokes on me, doesn't start. At all, not even tried. Well it tried, but it would just, give up. It would start, then die. Like I had no gas, but I did. I always do. So I'm sitting there, waiting for my Dad, praying that it's not toast, he get's there, and says I'm out of gas, I say "Horse shit" and we play around with it... And as far as I can tell, it was out of gas, but only kinda. There may have been "air in the lines"....

Which of course when he said that, my first thought was not "Oh... Well shit, that's stupid" but no... No it was "Who in the fuck put air in my fuel lines?!?!" And when I voiced ced thought, I received the pattented Alvin to Colt look that says "How in the HELL can you be so DAMN smart, and then say THAT?!"

So yeah, I had a bad day, my truck played a joke on me, I made a dumb comment, and the best part... It's only 7 pm... I still have ohh... several more hours until this day is done...

Come on Destiny, anything else you want to throw at me? Hn?! HOW ABOUT SCREWING WITH MY LOVE LIFE?! IT'S DAMN NEAR NON-EXISTANT AS IT IS! Come on, really fuck me over. Seriously... Please don't... I like my love life.. kinda. Could be better, but I think it might get there.

Bah. What a pain... And there was more, I just don't want to talk about THAT part.

-sing song voice- EEEEDDDDIIIIIIIIIITTTT!!!!!

And it bloody gets better, now some retard decides they want to PLAY with me. What a fool.

The Fool (6:05:41 PM): You are an ugly bag of mostly water.
EanRoTheMutt (6:05:59 PM): Yes
EanRoTheMutt (6:06:04 PM): I most certainly am
EanRoTheMutt (6:06:10 PM): But a curious bag of mostly water
EanRoTheMutt (6:06:22 PM): Who are you?
EanRoTheMutt (6:07:07 PM): And next time, it would be funnier if you said something like "Flesh sack" or "conglomeration of tissue, and gray matter"
EanRoTheMutt (6:07:12 PM): Atleast to me
EanRoTheMutt (6:07:15 PM): Now answer
EanRoTheMutt (6:07:17 PM): Who are you
The Fool(6:07:23 PM): what are you IMing me for?

The Fool(6:07:25 PM): I dont even know you.
EanRoTheMutt (6:07:42 PM): Because you definetaly initialized contact?
The Fool (6:07:59 PM): how do you figure?
The Fool (6:08:13 PM): riminalsalmon

You are an ugly bag of mostly water.
EanRoTheMutt (6:08:20 PM): Because my AIM asked if I wanted to view your instant message
EanRoTheMutt (6:08:29 PM): Yeah, I got that part
EanRoTheMutt (6:08:31 PM): Thanks
The Fool(6:08:40 PM): and what did I say?

EanRoTheMutt (6:08:47 PM): I was an ugly bag of mostly water
EanRoTheMutt (6:08:56 PM): Which was rude by the way
The Fool (6:09:00 PM): ?

The Fool (6:09:07 PM): you said that to me..
EanRoTheMutt (6:09:11 PM): The Fool (6:05:41 PM): You are an ugly bag of mostly water.
The Fool (6:09:17 PM): yeah
The Fool (6:09:18 PM): ?

EanRoTheMutt (6:09:18 PM): Totally didn't
The Fool (6:09:27 PM): get a life.
EanRoTheMutt (6:09:29 PM): I certainly received that from you
EanRoTheMutt (6:09:40 PM): O.o
The Fool (6:09:43 PM): oh of course
EanRoTheMutt (6:09:55 PM): So, we received the same IM from each other?
The Fool (6:10:00 PM): i forgot its opposite day
EanRoTheMutt (6:10:15 PM): There's no reason to be rude. I was just replying...
EanRoTheMutt (6:10:29 PM): And if AIM suddenly went insane, it's not my bloody fault
The Fool (6:10:55 PM): you sent me a thing that says that you said that to me
The Fool (6:11:07 PM): so how did I initialize conversation
The Fool (6:11:16 PM): So, let's just cut our conversation VERY short, by saying. I didn't send that, and if you didn't send it, then something somewhere on the internet screwed up, and let's just say goodbye
The Fool (6:11:27 PM): peace
EanRoTheMutt (6:11:53 PM): Yes, goodbye


Apr. 16th, 2008

Aww hell

I think I'm just plain insane. And I do mean in the clinical sense...

I'm all, twitchy, I'm dealing with this TGA shit, thing, magiggar. Half the time I just ignore it, but frankly when I really don't know what the FUCK is going on, it get's a little, eery.

I don't feel happy ever, I go out of my way to get some poor little creature water for his vehicle because it over-heated on the interstate, and my first instinct when I got home, was to walk determinedly to the bathroom, and with the thought "GET IT OFF ME" I showered forever it felt like... I don't think I'm a nice person, I just do nice things, and then feel disgusting afterwards... -.- thus is my life.

My job is becoming a bit less fun, I'm about to either quit, or murder someone. At this point preferably the latter.

But I do recognize the wonderful things, and I try to stay atleast a bit possitive, if only to keep a small portion of myself happily sane, but seriously... Why is the bad always seems to outweigh the good in my life? Those brief moments where something wonderful is happening shine like beacons, but then something terrible happens, and I'm all.. wallow in crap again. One cannot see the diamond for all the dirt piled on it, sure, but will somebody hand me a fucking shovel? Or are people too busy using them to pile more dirt on my diamonds... -.- Back the fuck up people.

The good news is I know their there, mostly, but oh wait. Which ones have I forgotten?

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands into the air, and demanding that I be happy, and run around like a fool until I am. But I don't, because I can't. Because I've so much SHIT going on, that I can't get it all straight... And I want to start school in the fall? Right... Remind me at some point just to beat myself over the head with something blunt... Maybe I'll learn.

Aww well. Atleast I still have my health... Physically anyway........ Actually my back does hurt, but eh... That'll pass. -.- I can always relie on ole' faithful here not crapping out on me... And owed to Sloanie, I've felt guilty for eating anything that doesn't have "I'M NOT BAD FOR YOU" plastered on the side. Not guilty because of what it is, but guilty because I have the knowledge that it's not actually good for me, and I still ate it... So I bought some non-bad for me stuff today. And I've been eating decently for a while without even noticing, my Mom caught me eating a pear the other day, and I had the "blinking innocence look" plastered on my face, holding the pear to my mouth. She laughed, and walked off. I still don't get that one too well.

I like how when I don't talk about the bad, my mood lifts... I have friends for a reason... I guess. -.- I just wish they lived closer. Bah. Damn distance... I need to learn to teleport... Or buy a fairy... or a unicorn... or SOMETHING. Or find Mrs. Who, so I can tesseract... O.o

Well, there goes the last bit of my sanity, with the Mrs. Who crack...

Apr. 12th, 2008

Ah, my friends.

Seriously, the last few weeks have been hell.

Between certain people, I've been so worried, I've almost just up and jumped in my truck, and driven very far, very fast.

I worry about them quite a bit, and still this worry eats at me. The best part, I can't really do anything, because it's not feasable...

I'm to the point where I'm going to stop caring about free will, and just make everything, my way. It's safer that way. Easier. People don't stress as much.

The point is, I love my friends, the very few I have, and I will do just about anything to help them or protect them. Worrying about them is new, and normally I wouldn't worry too much, they're adults, but... My nature is changing, my Me is adapting. I'm becoming more and more of what I never thought I'd be. And I enjoy every happy moment. But the ones where I recieve a text message with lyrics of a song, that eat at me until I remember the damn band name, and look up the song, and this song has lyrics that lead me to damn near insanity with regret that I can't just wave my hand and fix peoples lives...

I think I'm changing at least... I know I'm adapting, I'm becoming more sociable, but I think I'll always have that little voice in the back of my mind that reminds me that I am Me. And I can only change so much without really changing at all. But learning....

The entire point, you people, is that I'm worried into a frenzy about these people, and I can't do a fucking thing to help them, and it's driving me batty.

Also. I'm a bit worried about the CT scan, and the EKG test I have to get done soon... Been stressing about that too... Heh. Go figure I'm one of the rare ones that have a reaccuring thing that shouldn't reaccur! I love Me. -.- Well be good people.

Mar. 29th, 2008

Real Magic

Books. You can do anything, be anyone, and see distant, or imaginary lands. Chose a spell, read it, and allow it to draw you in.

Authors weave their words into spellbinding tomes, to pass on knowledge, or wisdom. You can find love, you can find happiness. Sure it lasts for only that one moment, and then it moves on. Give yourself over to the books, make memories, and leave them between the pages. Open them later, and remember past events.

Read too much, and lose yourself forever.

I wondered where I left myself. Seems I found Me in a book I never read before.

Real Magic? Maybe...

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